Things Writers Wish People Would Say

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Hi, Everybody! First off, Happy New Year! 2016 went by with such lightening speed, I’m surprised most of us were able to hold on to our wigs.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Time flies! What have I been up to? Well, I’ve been commissioning a book cover design for my upcoming release, trying to decide what to write next, trying to potty train my two year old, trying to convince my 9 month old that sticking her fingers down her throat is not conducive to happy living, trying to reestablish and stick to a consistent exercise schedule, and managing my ever-growing candy business. I live in the south, and during the holidays, we southerners gots to have our pralines, baby. In these parts, it’s not Christmas unless you have at least one. I know I’ve been conspicuously absent on this here blog, but as ya’ll can see, mama been workin’.

I’m sure everybody is just as busy so I thought I’d kick this Monday off with something light; things writers wish people would say.

What have ya’ll been up to? Looking forward to getting caught up with you guys soon. And feel free to add your own wish list in the comments. Happy Monday!

Agent to writer:

I don’t normally enjoy vampire-werewolf mashups set in outer space, but your novel blew me away. In fact,  I read it in one sitting. I have managed to sell the manuscript to Random House in a six-figure, three book deal. And girl, guess what??? They’re so impressed, they threw in a Cadillac. Who’s awesome?

Writer:

 Your boss:

I recently ran across the two reviews for your novel and I see how passionate your fans are about your work. We’re afraid you’re going to become this big time writer and quit your job, and you’re too valuable for us to lose! To show our appreciation, we’re giving you a fifteen thousand dollar annual raise, a corner office, and what the hell? I’ll just give you my job since you do 90% of the shit I’m supposed to be doing anyway. We need you, Neffy!

Writer:

Your spouse:

Honey, I see how hard you’ve been working on this writing thing, and I want to let you know I’m your biggest fan. Why don’t you quit your job so you can focus on writing full time? And those dishes in the sink? Girl, I got you. And that laundry? Don’t give it another thought because I’m buying you brand new socks and drawers.

Writer:

Big Shot Hollywood Producer:

Babe: just read your book. To sum it up in one word: Amazing. Mind blowing. Life changing. Pathos. Has all the makings of a huge summer blockbuster. Flying you out to L.A. this weekend to talk to my team and get your ideas. Did I tell you Will Smith has already attached to the project? You’re gonna do big things, love. BTW: the check’s in the mail.

Writer:

Oprah:

Gayle recommended your book to me and I gotta tell you; I feel like you have truly taken literaryness to a whole new level. Whole new level. In fact–I hope you’re holding on to your wig–I am making your book Oprah’s Book Club selection for every month this year. I’ve never done that before. You should be very proud of yourself. Good job.

Writer: